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"Dubious Gifts"
I am often asked by clients, “ What should I do with this picture/poster/object/thing that auntie/mother/cousin/friend gave me?” My first response is “ Whose home is this? Who should decide how it is decorated?” Remember that guests are temporary; so don’t build your home around their needs. Guests only get a room! As well, dubious gifts only deserve a limited time for showcase in your home. After the requisite thank-you note, unwanted gifts should be relegated to storage first, then after a time period that will assuage your guilt, “reduce, reuse, or recycle”–-trash it, set it out again, or pass it on…
Is there a proper etiquette for gifts of home décor? In this query, I deferred to my spouse. She is a consultant on etiquette and protocol, trained at the Protocol School of Washington (www.cygi.com). She has delivered seminars privately and publicly in Chester, Halifax, and Toronto. Here is her pointed response: “It’s just rude!” In other words, if you receive an unwanted gift of home décor, note that it’s rude. Nevertheless, proper etiquette still requires the thank-you note before the considerate disposal à la the three “r’s” noted in the paragraph above.
Exception to all of the above: you may actually like the gift, but it still does not fit into your decorating scheme. Again, think guest room. The guest room is a great repository for a miscellaneous gifts collection. I have placed three favourite mementos from friends on the chest of drawers in our guest room. One is a Waterford crystal paperweight shaped like a pyramid. It was a housewarming gift from a designer friend in LA. She knows the same rule about gifts, but also knows that crystal baubles can be displayed anywhere to make a shelf or tabletop glisten in the light. Touché! The second gift is an engraved print of the British coastal town of Cowes with an antique frame of black and gold. This was also a housewarming gift from a friend in the UK. He had not been to Nova Scotia and had imagined before he arrived, that Mahone Bay might be like this particular town in his native England. He wasn’t disappointed when he arrived, but our little town was not like his beautiful engraving. Again, a wonderful housewarming gift—and touché, again! Thank-you notes were posted. Now, the two housewarming gifts that were entirely appropriate for me, reside together with one of my travel souvenirs (a carved wooden statue from Easter Island) in front of the mirror on top of the guest room dresser. Ironically, the friend from LA introduced my wife and I to the friend in the UK. In this case, friends gave me reminders of themselves. Sometimes the gift of home décor works.
Now, you may ask, what IS an appropriate housewarming gift? The rules of etiquette seem to imply that one should avoid giving gifts of home décor because the expectation of display puts unnecessary pressure on the receiver, unless you already know that the gift is wanted (from say, a joint shopping trip where a potential gift is encountered with accolades). So, avoid crafts, avoid generic art, and avoid houseplants. These all imply an expectation of long-term survival, which will undoubtedly disappoint both you and the recipient. If you know the recipient well, then choose well. For simplicity, think flowers, food, and wine. They are short term; they are disposable; and they are not rude.